Will The Real You Please Stand Up

Posted by on Mar 31, 2017 in Personal Development | Comments Off on Will The Real You Please Stand Up

Will The Real You Please Stand Up

 

There has been a lot of talk about authenticity- about the importance of living an authentic life. Well, what does living an authentic life really mean?

Let’s start with the word authentic.  Merriam Webster defines authentic as ‘true to one’s personality; spirit; or character: not false’.   If we look at it from a narrower context, as it relates to life, I would add that it is living in a way in which your actions and words are congruent with your beliefs and values. It is being true to yourself, owning your thoughts and opinions. Integrity also plays a part in authenticity- I would say it is intertwined. With that being said, how can one begin to live the now sought after authentic life.

Look Back

First you need to go back in time and ask yourself some questions. What experiences shaped your youth? How did others beliefs/values influence how you view life? Did you have the freedom to speak your mind? This step is about remembering who/what influenced your life so you can begin to separate what are now your ideals as opposed to someone else’s. In order to understand where you are presently, you must review what transpired in your past to understand it and accept it, so you can know the real you before life intervened.

Current Life

What does your current life look like? Are you happy? How do you handle stress? Can you say No? Do you listen to your intuition? Do you feel pressured to do things you do not want to do? Our lives are constantly changing, however how we think and the choices we make, those powers belong to us. Even if you think it is out of your reach, the point is that you have the power within and it is time to unleash it. You know the expression, free will- you have the power to act, think, and speak in a way that reflects who you are, not who you were shaped to be by outside forces.

Now What

In the end the goal is to make authenticity a part of you and how you live. We should not be afraid to be our real selves. People will either accept you as is or not, and if not, then they are not meant to be part of your life. We have friends’, even family who come and go because they were in our lives for a reason, and that purpose was served. That is why it is important to be grateful for what we have and what we have experienced because that is how we continue to evolve as human beings. You must make a commitment to yourself to start living authentically and let the strength and power that is within guide you.

Read More

Are You Ready To Look In The Mirror?

Posted by on Mar 30, 2017 in Personal Development | Comments Off on Are You Ready To Look In The Mirror?

Are You Ready To Look In The Mirror?

If you listen long enough to someone when they are talking you can eventually hear them speak their truths, although sometimes they don’t hear it themselves. When we continue to make excuses or think we know the reasons for why we are in a current state in our lives, it may turn out we are wrong.  It is not always easy to look in the mirror and see inside ourselves-all the hurt, sadness, guilt,                                               that have buried us. That takes courage.

Courage to accept ourselves for who we are, the good and the bad. Courage to admit to our mistakes and to make the changes that need to be made. We all have the ability to be courageous. Believe it or not, it is inside each of us. It is a matter of whether we are willing to do the work to unveil what is deep inside, gain clarity to what it is we want and need, and verbalize those desires. Once we reach that point, we eventually become empowered to speak our truths, make difficult decisions, and begin on a new path. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to commit to invest in ourselves.

 

We tend to hide behind our careers; family; and/or significant others because it is easier than owning how we really feel. However, eventually we have no place else to hide as our unhappiness soon surfaces and shows its face through stress, depression, frustration, confusion, or dissatisfaction. In order to begin the process of healing emotionally, physically, and mentally, we must acknowledge that everything that has happened in our lives, all the choices we have made, have led to where we are now.   We can take those experiences and life lessons and use it to shape a new present. We no longer have to live under someone else’s expectations and we do not have to engage in self-sacrifice in order to please others. We can learn to put ourselves first and still fulfill our obligations.

How wonderful will it feel to be free and empowered? Free from the heaviness of what we have been holding on to and empowered by our strengths. I challenge you to look in the mirror.

Read More

Life Coaching vs. Psychotherapy: Which one is for you?

Posted by on Jan 5, 2017 in Personal Development | Comments Off on Life Coaching vs. Psychotherapy: Which one is for you?

I have been asked many times what the difference is between coaching and therapy. I hope to clarify what those differences are so that one can make an informed decision when seeking either of these services.  From a Licensed Social Worker to a Holistic Life Coach, I have been on both sides of these two beneficial strategies to address life’s challenges.

First let’s start with Psychotherapy. Therapy is geared towards focusing on the history of the individual in order to understand how past events may have impacted the person’s current life situation. It can aid in resolving long held anger, sadness, trauma, or other feelings that have stunted the mental and emotional self. It can uncover underlying issues that contribute to ongoing grievances. There are various forms of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which targets a specific need for the client. Therapy is more intensive and tends to go at a slower pace than coaching, depending on the issue being addressed. Psychotherapists are trained and licensed Psychologists, Psychiatrists, and Social Workers. Those with more urgent or chronic mental health issues require care under a psychotherapist as opposed to a life coach.

Life Coaches work from a present moment perspective. They focus on where you are currently at in your professional and/or personal lives and assist with achieving desired goals in order to move forward. Life Coaching is action oriented with the client playing more of a role in the client/coach partnership. As a Holistic Coach myself, I personally take into account one’s emotional, physical, and mental beings. I believe you cannot work with only one aspect of the individual but rather the whole person. There are various types of coaches such as Business, Relationship, Career, and the list goes on. Life Coaching is not a regulated field as of yet, so it is important to research and “interview” a potential coach you are considering hiring. You will find many coaches are certified, however each program is different and is held to various standards. Usually, life coaches will have similar educational backgrounds to the type of coach they are. For example, someone who worked in the corporate field for many years has now transitioned to a Business Coach. You can work with a coach on a short term or long term basis. As in therapy, it is important for there to be a good fit between the client and practitioner.

So when deciding between a life coach and therapist, be clear on what your needs are and be prepared to commit to taking the steps to live a more fulfilled and happy life.

Read More

The Time for Self-Care is Now

Posted by on Nov 23, 2016 in Personal Development | Comments Off on The Time for Self-Care is Now

Everyone knows the importance of self-care however most people do not practice it on a daily basis. They may be participating in self-pampering or self-indulgence, but these are temporary fixes to a chronic issue. It is important to remember that unless you make a conscious effort to put yourself first, you will continue down the path of stress and feeling overwhelmed. You must have a clear intention to take steps to nurture yourself in order to support others. As women, we tend to fall into the automatic role we have created for ourselves. This then leads us to placing others first, whether it’s our children, spouse, friends, or family members. It is not until we end up physically ill, fatigued, depressed, or frustrated that we take that moment to stop because we have no choice.

Well the choice is yours. You can choose to allow yourself to believe you come first and not feel guilty about it. You can choose to see yourself as important enough to refuel and reenergize in order to give what you have to offer to loved ones. Trust me, they will be thankful for it. We all feed off each other’s energy, so if you are moody, upset, or unhappy, those energies will have a domino effect to those around you. To change this dynamic you must accept your significance not just within your family and yourself but also in this life. Practicing self-care on a consistent basis improves overall health, makes one a better caregiver, and reduces stress.

What can you do to take better care of yourself? Well, first make the commitment to incorporate a self-care strategy at least once a week, and then slowly work up to a daily practice. Some strategies are:

  • Meditation/Mindfulness- you don’t need to sit still for 20 minutes while listening to calming music. You can simply be mentally present in every activity you engage in throughout the day. This helps to focus the mind, which allows you to enjoy the moment and relax.

  • Journal Writing- writing can give us clarity and organization to our thoughts, which leads to a more focused, less overwrought mind.

  • Practice Self-Compassion- be kind to yourself; love yourself; accept your imperfections because that is what makes you perfect!!!

  • Just Say No- you do not have to accept every invitation and be everyone’s go to person. For some it may be difficult at first to say no, however it becomes much easier when your realize the pressure has lessened and you have extra time for more enjoyable experiences.

As you integrate these strategies into your life people will begin to notice a change in you and some honestly will not like it, because they have become accustomed to how things are and change is not always easy for people. However, those who truly and unconditionally love and care about you will accept the new you and maybe follow in your footsteps.

Read More

Speak Up

Posted by on May 3, 2016 in Personal Development | Comments Off on Speak Up

Speak Up

Now is the time to say everything you wanted to say.  Now is the time to release what you have been holding inside of you.  You have plenty to say and now it’s your opportunity to say it.

 

We often allow our own fear of how we may present ourselves to keep us silent or we may feel judged on what we say or how we say it.  Inherently, you do know what to say and you are capable of speaking in a fashion that allows you to be heard.  Communication is the key to opening yourself up to a world of peace and confidence.  It is imperative that your thoughts are clear so that you express yourself with conviction.  It does not mean to be disrespectful and rude.  As long as you stick with the facts of a situation and speak to your opinions in a confident manner, it is your right to speak up.  No one has to like what you say.  They may even disagree with you and try to prove you wrong.   However, you have earned the right to speak up, so take full advantage.

 

So many times we leave things unsaid.  This can add unwanted internal stress and may leave us with regrets.  Sharing what is on your mind is not always easy, as it may mean hurting another’s feelings or might initiate an argument.  However, if your intention to engage someone verbally is to be sincere and forthright, then how that other person responds is his or her own responsibility.  Own what you say because sometimes all we have is our voice.  Our voice can be powerful.  Yes it can be used for good or evil.  I believe that anyone reading this is a human being who chooses to speak up for the betterment of themselves and society.  Are you ready to speak up?

Read More

It’s Time To Let Go

Posted by on Jan 21, 2016 in Personal Development | Comments Off on It’s Time To Let Go

It’s Time To Let Go

If you are wondering why you are still in the same relationship, same job, or same financial situation, maybe you need to consider it’s because you have not let go of the fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, or uncertainty that is holding you back.   These thoughts and feelings can hold you mentally hostage, preventing you from realizing your true potential and what you can achieve. Someone asked me once, If I was a tree, what kind of tree would I be? Although I did not name a tree, my answer was the following: I would be a tree that is still growing. There would be dead leaves that represent my past and what I have let go. There would be empty branches, which would represent that learning is continuous, and the green leaves are the present because that is what I focus on.

In order to move forward we must shed that which is weighing us down. I am talking about the emotional weight that can consume us if we don’t acknowledge our negative feelings, confront it, and say goodbye to it.  It’s not an easy thing to do. We must be ready and willing to allow ourselves to be in a moment of sadness, frustration, and maybe self-blame, in order to gain freedom, contentment, and peace.

A great way to start to let go is to write. Expressing our emotions can help us release the dark cloud that invades our mental state. When we can see the words, we can speak to it and let it go.

What kind of tree would you be?

 

Read More

How Do You Spend Your Time

Posted by on Jan 13, 2016 in Personal Development | Comments Off on How Do You Spend Your Time

How Do You Spend Your Time

What do you think about when you hear the word time? Are there images of ‘To Do’ lists in you head? Does your blood pressure rise as you think about all the things that have to get done and won’t? I am sure you have heard people say there is never enough time. I am guilty of that myself. However, is that true? We all know it is not. If you really think about it, we tend to make time for things that are most important to us or more interesting, allowing other tasks or activities to linger until we frantically try to catch up.

The truth is, the clock is ticking and it can stop at any moment. When it does, can you say you lived a full life? Have you done everything you wanted to do? Did you fulfill your passion? There are many questions that you may or may not have the answers to. Some people never think about time and will put things off because they believe they can tend to it another day. Well, not to sound morbid, but you may not have tomorrow.   Time is not guaranteed, but what is, is your commitment to living in the present, not just mentally but physically.

First you need a plan. That can include creating goals, making a “Must Do” list, or sharing your intentions with a friend (that you trust) so that you are held accountable on whether you are taking action towards living your life to the fullest on a daily basis.

The phrase, time is of the essence, implies that time is not limitless, at some point a task or decision needs to be made within a short period of time.   So how are you going to decide what must be done? For short-term plans, every evening set aside some time to write down what needs to be done on the following day. This way, you stay organized and your mind is free to relax for the night. For long term plans, such as traveling to that destination you only dreamed of or buying a home, write down (and be clear) all the details of what achieving those things would look like (including when it will be accomplished), then take small steps to make that dream a reality.

Don’t always say, “there’s still time” or “maybe next time”, because there’s also a concept of “it’s too late”. – Unknown

 

Read More